The Diary of a Work In Progress

5/19/2012- Greif

So today was hard. Not like depression/ anxiety hard, but “Oh wow, what the fuck just happened” kinda of hard. When I woke up this morning, I felt good. Got coffee (honestly I would not have made it through if my friend at starbucks had not given me that free extra shot of espresso), showered, cleaned my room. 

Then my mom called.

Surrey passed away. This hit me like a ton of bricks. Like, what? I didn’t know she was unwell. She seemed fine when I last saw her. 

This has been a tough day. Surrey was a wonderful woman who taught me so much. My british accent was even learned from her. 

My apologies if in the next few days I am off and not the most cheerful. This is going to take some time.

5/2/2012- Apologies/ Fear

I have been seriously messed up recently. And I have been taking it out on the wrong people. I feel horrible. People that have been nothing but good friends to me and I have been angry, bitter and depressed. I have lost my temper and I feel like I messed everything up.

I feel like I no longer know what I am doing. Nothing seems to make sense. I feel lost and I don’t want to ask for help. I don’t want to drag everyone else down. Maybe I should just shut down for a bit. Not go out, just do work, not talk to anyone.

But this idea scares the shit out of me. I have been trying to get an appointment to talk to a professional, but they were all booked when I called. I guess I just have to keep trying.